I realize I’m a very passionate person.

My future spouse needs to be willing to give 200% in the things that he loves.

I really hope that he’ll be willing to give 200% to Jesus, because I know that I’m definitely wired up that way.

2 Apr

I hate

people who don’t take responsibility for their actions or suggestions.

someone suggested recently: “let’s sing a song together!”
and they totally were down to do it. however, now that we met to figure things out, they say they didn’t want to do it in the first place.

what the fuck.

here I am, trying to support you and help yet you’re sitting here wasting our time and not suggesting anything yourself. you suggested this meeting, and so you take responsibility.

when that person told you that you have no character, this is exactly what they were talking about.

I think this whole situation is making me angrier because this is who you are as a person. even with the whole discussion we had over spring break. if you suggest to do something and want to do it, then take responsibility and get it done.

if only I could be honest.

2 Apr


this guy came to my english class today.
i wouldn’t bat an eye usually, but DAMN was he cute.

on top of that he’s tall, and a business major.
apparently worked 100+ hours at his internship this past summer, and he’s set for life.

i thought i didn’t care about money, but now that i think about my dreams and what i want for my future family….
it seems like money is an important factor.

sigh. if only he loved Jesus. if only i had a chance….

17 Mar


why does it feel like “I didn’t get in”
does it have to feel this way? do people need to make it this way?

how about I think of it as…. He has another purpose for me.
in this community, it feels like to be used you have to be a certain way.
you have to be asked to become something. you have to be asked in order to be acknowledged and known to be “growing”

honestly, it’s getting a bit hard for some reason.

i need to seriously evaluate my worth in God at this point.
because according to the world, i suck and i’m going nowhere.


in other news…. i’m pretty sure he likes somebody. and that somebody is 100% not me.

so just give it up, and wait for whoever it is that i’m going to marry.


why do i feel like crying……

17 Mar


sometimes there’s things you gotta say regardless of how it’ll make them feel.

because it’s the truth. and you love them. and you want them to grow.


did you play the song I just attempted and gave up on.

stop playing with my mind.

God, help me guard my heart…

wake within me.

25 Feb

swallow my pride

you’re the one that I love
and I’m saying goodbye

18 Feb

i won’t say i’m in love

today he grabbed my arm in a gesture of goodbye.

there were not words spoken, but that simple touch was filled with so much meaning as it meant goodbye. glee immediately filled my heart.

i’m dead.

18 Feb

I just

want to be friends with him.

that’s all.

maybe from there something could happen.

11 Feb

can’t stop

won’t stop.

the emotions are flooding into my heart once again.

27 Jan